Helpful McHelpfulpants

Eye of the Storm and so the day has broken white and breathless: a crushed shell of cloud cupping the horizon like an eyelid, and you hold out your hand, ...

I don't know exactly what happened to this person, but I can infer. First, someone stitched a second and much larger head onto-- his?-- shoulder, then forced probably him to ...

We rose like-- well, I would like to at least mention flowers, but it had been a long walk and we were not perfumed. It is true that the shade ...

.... Nice first line. ..... Good stuff, but I think "Your wet clothes flapping..." was where it got excellent. I don't like "empty chair". I want something more interesting there. ...

Dan Brown. *cries and cries and cries and cries, forever*

But Naviiiiiita, 'love' doesn't rhyme prettily. I liken Siken to hiking! (It doesn't get easier as you go on, but if you carry the pain far enough, if you pull ...

I like Siken and Navita is to blame for it. Well, actually, Siken is to blame for it. But Navita secondarily. The end.

So I am remembering why I never review Galerius' poetry. But whatever, you have threatened and who am I to resist. Let's see. Criticism-wise-- I have to say, reading this ...

But pessimism is so 90s!

ODE TO THE JELLY BEAN Oh, fool was I to touch one of those sweets Shining like polished stones, in a glory Of vivid hues unmatched by any fleet Iris’ ...

This feels less like a poem than an angry letter broken into lines. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But since you avoid imagery, choosing instead to focus on a ...

Hot.

Erm-- that sentence is grammatically correct as it is currently punctuated, I believe. But thank you both for the feedback.

And I have duly cut this into manageable pieces.

Continuing where part one left off; this is not a natural break in the story, just a practical one, but feel free to review the sections separately, since the length ...